We go round and round and round in the circle again

Yes, it came back. I shouldn’t be surprised, and really I’m not. I kept an attitude through most of this year of positive/wishful thinking that I’d beaten the cancer in one shot. Some people do. As the self-described luckiest guy on the planet, certainly I would beat it too, and go right back to life as it always had been. But almost a year since my last clear scan, there it was again. How disappointing.

So, what now? We talked with the doctor, who sounded upbeat. This isn’t a cancer you can necessarily eliminate, he said, but you keep pushing it back. Okay, fair enough. Time to start pushing again. He has ordered a biopsy to make sure the cancer hasn’t turned into another form of NHL (Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma). When we get the results, we will choose a treatment.

The doctor went on to describe many of the available treatment options. We could do what we did last time, which would probably be just as effective and would hold back the lymphoma for just as long. There are other treatment options available, now that I’ve completed the first round, that offer more lasting results. It seems there are rules about which treatments you can try first and which you can try later.

I’m feeling more tired this time around. I’m not sure why. Perhaps it’s the physical effects of my illness as the lymphoma starts up again. Perhaps fatigue is made worse from the depression of knowing that I may have to go through treatments periodically for the rest of my life. I’m having to force myself to go for walks to get some exercise and sunshine.

But wait! There’s so much in my life to be happy about! In many ways, life is really good right now. Roslyn and I will be meeting two new grandchildren this spring! My heart bursts with joy each time I think of it. Also, Roslyn and I are closer than ever, and my family and friends have shown us love beyond measure. God has truly provided for us in this life. I couldn’t be more grateful.

For those of you that, by reading this, are learning that my illness has returned — I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you in person. I wanted to, believe me. If I had, I would have sat you down and told you not to worry too much. This isn’t my death sentence. It’s a colossal pain in the ass, but we will get through this.  We will beat this back again. In the meantime, I will stay as active and social as I can, and take pleasure in the people and the world that I’ve been blessed with.

Feel free to reach out to chat or if you have questions. You know where to find me. Love, best wishes, and God’s blessing on all of you.