Keep driving

“One’s destination is never a place, but a new way of seeing things.” – Henry Miller

I’m not sure what to say. I’ve not been well of late, though I have had a few hours here and there of feeling alright. The worst is the fatigue. The second worst is the digestive issues. Third is the itchiness on my abdomen and knees brought on by reaction to the medication. Then there are the aches and pains. Those symptoms swirl around and around as I go through each day. How many are caused by disease and how many by treatment I cannot say. I’m recording the symptoms in a log which I share with the medical team each week. I should create a graph of how the symptoms wax and wane over time. But frankly, I’m in no mood to do so.

It sucks to be sick all the time. It saps energy and happiness from each day. It discourages and deadens. It worries and frustrates. It affects those closest to me. And that may be the very worst thing of all. I hate being the focus of worry and pain. It makes me sad.

So, I try not to complain too much. I don’t feel like I’m getting worse. Rather, I’m impatient to get better. I let my wife know how I’m feeling but I’m not inclined to dwell on the subject too much. Together, she and I look for the hopefulness in daily changes. We count our blessings each day.

God is good all the time. I feel his presence through it all. He doesn’t give us more than we can handle. He sends angels in the forms of friends and family. He shows me that beauty and love exist in every day. He demonstrates the manifest value in my relationship with him. He reinforces the idea that relationships are the foundation of life.

I’m heading back to LA tomorrow for more tests. Another infusion comes next week. I’ll stay the course and run this race, looking forward to what comes next.

Love and best wishes to you all.