Quarantine

A lot has happened since my last post. I’ve participated two immunotherapy studies, one after another, and neither had the desired effect. Tomorrow, I begin some cycles of R-GemOx chemotherapy to reduce my cancer load in preparation for CAR T-Cell immunotherapy. My doctor says that this is the best way forward and I agree. Immunotherapy has been unable to put a dent in the cancer load (the volume of cancer cells in my body). Chemotherapy has rapidly shrunk my cancer before. Chemotherapy isn’t very effective at keeping the cancer away, so I’ll need immunotherapy too. Immunotherapy teaches my immune system to keep the cancer in check for the long term.

The treatments I’ve had since early December have caused significant chaos. The first treatment made me sick and listless. The second required me to spend several days in the hospital each week for a month. The coronavirus outbreak further complicated logistical matters and introduced another bogeyman to worry about. I ran out of job-protected leave, so I’ve been forced to resign from my software development job. To come away from all that without a win is disappointing.

However, I’ve experienced past success with chemotherapy. I’m confident that eventually we will prevail over this illness thanks to the help of a great many people. I pray that God’s hand continues to guide us through it all.

Other thoughts for today

I miss my mom. I miss her way of casual wisdom and insight. I miss her positive attitude even during rough times. When she cried, it was for a good reason. When she didn’t, she spoke in ways that lifted up people. She was a model of civility and love. I miss her terribly.

Most of us have special people that we miss. We honor their memory by talking about them with our kids and sharing their stories with our friends. We try to emulate their character, usually less than perfectly. The more we know about what was important to them, and the more we know about their priorities, the more we can be like them.

I share this because as we struggle through this pandemic and I through my illness, I am struck by the focus that these events cast upon what is most important in life. We should not be in a hurry to get back to our non-quarantined lives if by doing so we forget what is important and stop acting like unselfish human beings. Why do most of us tolerate isolation when we could, like self-absorbed children, moan and cry and demonstrate in the streets against it? Because we know that people that we love, and many others that we don’t even know, may be saved from suffering and death through our collective actions. We care enough to stay home most of the time, and to wear masks in public, and to not act like jerks to one another. We are demonstrating love for others. We are participating in community. We are pulling together toward a goal. We are doing something honorable and righteous. We are channeling God’s love for his children. Thus, our lives gain meaning. Will we ever again see such a time as this? What will we learn from these events? What will we carry forward and teach to our grandchildren? What will history say about us?

I know my mom would say that our inconvenience is worth it.

Be well and be happy. Take care of yourself and your loved ones. God bless you all.